You too can mow the grass: Love after friendship; friendship after love.

Storge - love based on friendship and affection. Storgic lovers grow into a romantic relationship over time after a deep friendship has developed. Because care and compassion for the other person is the basis for the friendship, this is the type of love that makes a committed couple best friends with each other. This is also the type of love which makes it possible to remain friends after the breakup. I think I am a storgic lover more than the other types of love. Once I develop feelings for someone, I don't stop caring about their well-being or their happiness. I know that I've been criticized at times for being angry with my XH over our divorce, but deep down I want him to be happy in his new life.??I really don't bear him any ill will. Before we married, he and I were casual friends who acted in the same plays in the theatre as college students before we started dating. Our first few dates, if you can even call them dates, were nothing more than going out with a group of friends. Over time that friendship became something more, and a few years later we were married. I wish I could be friends with my XH now, and I try to be friendly with him, especially because of our children. I want our children to think that we are friends. But I just don't feel like he treats me as he would a friend, and the trust isn't there any more. But I do believe that as time passes, we will be real friends again. And no to that question you are thinking. I believe it is possible to be friends with your ex without ever thinking about getting back together.

I've said more than once that you should think of dating like making friends first. And you will be happier if you don't approach every first date with the expectation that he is the one. Just let him become a good friend first. Of all of the men I have dated since my divorce, Chris is my really good friend. After all, we were friends for seven years before he ever asked me out on our first date. I accepted his invitation, because we had always enjoyed hanging out together and on the basis of the kindness and affection he had always shown me as a friend. We approached dating each other with the agreement that if a romantic relationship didn't work out between us, that we would still be good friends always. And we are. We have lots of mutual friends. We have collaborated on projects together which helps each of us professionally. I know that if I ever need a favor, I could ask Chris, and he would be there for me. I know that he really cares about me, and he just wants me to be happy. This is storge. Storgic lovers can go from being friends to having a sexual or romantic relationship to being friends again, because love is about warmth and being affectionate, about caring for the other person as an individual separate from the relationship, about maintaining the bonds of friendship. Friendship is a reciprocal thing, and you can't be friends with everyone you've ever dated, because not everyone feels the storge type of love. Only some people are capable of being friends after a breakup. Some people need a clean break, and I'll admit sometimes that is easier emotionally. But when you really feel storge type of love towards someone, you don't want to lose them as a friend, and so you allow the relationship to evolve naturally from romantic love to affectionate friendship.

Some women, or men, are jealous of storgic lovers. If you don't understand storge, then it would be difficult to believe that men and women can be friends after they've had a sexual or romantic relationship with each other. You may be?reading this blog and think it's impossible for you to be friends with someone who broke up with you. You may just still be angry that your relationship failed.?For me, because I've dated so many people since my divorce, and because I?like to be a friend and not just a girlfriend, I am really comfortable with maintaining friendships with men after I've dated them.?I've always had more guy friends than girl friends anyway. When I was in college, except for my best friend Theresa, all of my friends were men. I have always found it easier to get along with men than with women. And so to me the best part of dating is that I get to spend time with?men. I think, because I am a storgic lover, I still have lots of friends who are men.

Also storgic lovers are not the jealous type; they just don't worry about the infidelity of their partners, and they are usually are really committed and faithful to their partners. Sometimes because friendship is the basis of storgic love, a relationship can lack passion and can become boring over time. But that doesn't mean that storge is not real love. In part, storge is love, because a storgic lover can love someone enough to let them go.?A storgic lover?would respect that a past partner and friend has a new relationship with someone else. My XH has remarried, and I think his new wife is a really sweet woman. Even so, I still don't want to know all of the details of her fertility treatments.?The Doctor has been dating the same woman since we broke up, and I think it's great; I'm glad he has found someone with whom he can build a lasting relationship. I expect that Chris will fall in love with someone eventually, and I'll be more than happy for him. I want all my friends to be happy and to find real love. Maybe I'm secretly a matchmaker, because sometimes when I go on a date with someone I think he isn't the one for me, but if I could just introduce him to my friend, they'd be perfect for each other. But I'm not bold enough to ever say that outloud.?I don't mind when men I have dated ask my advice about dating another woman. After all, I am, professionally speaking, an expert on interpersonal relationships and communication.?And I think that because I am a loving friend before any of the other types of love, I am?okay taking a break from?the emotional stress of being?in a significant?relationship?right now. I'm happy. I have friends to hang out with and to talk to, and so I am not really all that lonely not being married or in a relationship. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't?miss how I talked to Glenn every day about every day kind of things like his business, my writing, our kids, and other casual stuff. I'm really?happy that he still wants to be friends with me, because I value his opinion and I appreciate his company.?To me, friendship is the most important kind of relationship?I can have. And?if I have just a few friends?who really care about me, on whom I can trust, who are good and kind, and whom I love, then I am truly blessed.?If you can love enough to be friends, then you too are blessed.

Source: http://youtoocanmowthegrass.blogspot.com/2012/09/love-after-friendship-friendship-after.html

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